I’m On A Boat!

This actually shouldn’t just be about “I’m On A Boat”.. It should be dedicated to the entire The Lonely Island ‘franchise’. Dating way back to when the three boys tried to get Awesometown up and running. Now, I don’t know a lot about that, having only watched the intro. But these guys were onto something, even back then.

I suppose its in-the-most-part thanks to Samberg’s success on Saturday Night Live which gave the three a boost and slingshot into stardom. Early favourites such as ‘Dick In A Box’ and especially ‘Jizz In My Pants’ certainly helped.

More to come..

Where Did The Lighter Fluid Come From?

This post will showcase the many reasons why I think Arrested Development was the best television series to ever be created.. and subsequently cancelled, or not.

First of all, watch the intro to this masterpiece so you have some idea of who people are and I will try fill in the rest as best I can.

In order of named appearance:

Michael Bluth …(Jason Bateman)
Lindsay Funke …(Portia de Rossi)
Gob (George Oscar Bluth) Bluth …(Will Arnett)
George Michael Bluth …(Michael Cera)
Maeby Funke …(Alia Shawkat)
Buster Bluth …(Tony Hale)
Tobias Funke …(David Cross)
George Bluth …(Jeffrey Tambor)
Lucille Bluth …(Jessica Walter)

A brief outline of the plot is as follows.

The Bluth’s are a once wealthy family, made possible by ‘The Bluth Company’ (the company), founded by George Bluth. This comes crumbling down due to the spending of company money by George and building houses in Iraq for Saddam Hussein’s regime (known later in the show as ‘light treason’).

George is sent to prison while under investigation and Michael takes control of the company in order to keep it afloat. Due to his lazy siblings, unloving mother and generally a dysfunctional family structure, this becomes quite a chore.

Plenty of hilarity ensues. Now if it weren’t for the brilliant writing of Mitch Hurwitz, among others, this show may not have even had a look in, considering the relatively poor ratings once it had aired.

Henry Winkler summed up the show well in one interview in just a few words, “A joke on a joke on a joke on a joke”.. Exactly. You really have to watch to be able to fully get what this show is about. I suggest you do.

Two jokes that stick out to me are the Tony Hale ‘Mr Roboto’ hook-in-the-dashboard one and the Henry Winkler ‘jumps the shark’ one.

First one first, so Tony Hale plays Buster, in later episodes a loose seal (which he mistakenly hears as ‘Lucille’) bites his hand off and consequently is issued with a hook as a replacement. He’s sitting in the family’s staircar singing and dancing along to the ‘Mr Roboto’ song.. “Domo origato Mr Roboto”… see below…

Many moons ago, Tony Hale appeared in a VW commercial… see below…

So it’s funny on face value, but if you get the method behind the madness, it’s bloody brilliant.

So the Henry Winkler jumping the shark joke. See below…

First time I saw this I didn’t really know what relevance it had because I’d never really watched Happy Days (I’m 25). This is where the original comes from, albeit slightly differently, but still a jump… see below…

Fan-frickin-tastic. Oh yeah and the person driving the boat (Ron Howard), is Arrested Development’s narrator. All ties up in a nice neat package don’t it?

Things That Really Grind My Gears

I have been wanting to make a list of these things for some time now, so without further ado I will begin to list them right here and update them as I can think of them.

***I’ve flipped the ahhhh chronological, I guess, order of my posts, so the newest is first. ‘Coz if there’s one thing that grinds my gears, it’s when I have to get that scroll wheel working…!***

17. Ultra Courteous Drivers

Yah huh. It’s another driving one! Well, courtesy on the road is paramount, ill be the first to say. However, you get these people who think they’re doing you a favour but are going completely against the flow of traffic.

Let’s say you’re at a T junction, where you can either turn left or right.
You want to turn right and there is someone wanting to turn right also to then be on the same road as you, but going the other way.

So this car is in front of you at the moment and has right of way. But they sit there. They wave you through. Wh-why? Why are they doing this? It’s been ingrained since you got your license about who has right of way and now this clown is disrupting the flow!

So rather than follow the rules, their courtesy has cost you precious seconds. Precious precious seconds.

16. Milk cartons

“Open Other Side”.. ‘Nuff said! It’s REALLY uncanny how often you shake your little milk carton like a good boy, then go to open it only to have the bastard thing tell you you’re trying to open the wrong side.

Never in the history of man have 50/50’s had so many misses.

15. Another traffic thing

It sort of almost kinda scares me when I’m about to drive past someone on the freeway and they decide to think about changing lanes. But they indicate before I’ve passed them so I think they’re JUST about to change lanes! So theres me, being aware of my surroundings, I back off thinking ‘what the fuck are you doing!?’

The other driver probably thinks he is doing the right thing in letting following drivers know what’s going on in his head, but think please, about the poor guy who thinks you’re about to run him off the road… =)

14. ‘E’ News

‘E’ stands for entertainment. Could’ve fooled me! The shows will be shows and I can’t help that, nor can I help what I’m about to whinge about but dammit I’m gonna whinge!

It’s really the people that host these shows that get to me. How can they possibly be so energetic? It’s their job and all but my lord they pack it on. Or perhaps it’s to give people like myself a pick up? Should I be smiling because they’re so happy?! Have I got them all wrong?

Nah.

You know what, it’s also how they’re so amazed at “aaand we catch Beyonce walkin’ out of a supermarket in knee high boots, with a BlackBerry in hand?! Could she be tweeting to her followers hints about that baaaaby bump??!” It’s that kind of speculation that they just rip out of their asses that really drills me down. There’s no such thing as reporting the news any more. There’s no such thing as reporting any more I guess. It’s just shit talk.

13. People whinging about product size reduction

Think about it, wouldn’t you be more upset if the price of your favourite whatever went up? So it’s really quite simple what these ‘big bad’ companies are doing, preventing a price rise by using a product size reduction! It’s NOT a sneaky secret! It’s not like they’re hiding the size on the packet is it?

This is all over the news at the.. sorry, current affairs, all over the current affairs at the moment (big difference). In response to this story one old lady claims “She doesn’t have time to look at the size gram by gram of every product”…

Really? You honestly don’t have time to look at the size? Wow, you must be busy. Bet you look at the price of every product though don’t you? Bet you punch the price of every product into your oversize calculator though don’t you?

Not sure if I have an emotional response to this because of my supermarket experience, but hey, it made it on the list.

12. The CitiBank ad guy

So what they’re spruiking is the good old ‘balance transfer, cheap rate, 6 months’ thing. It’s probably just the law of frequency happening here, seeing this guy every other day that’s doing it for me.

But the real kicker is how they get this guy to act all disgusted when he asks you what sort of interest rate you may currently be paying. 20 per cent? 21 per cent?! How does 1.9% per annum sound?

aha are they serious? On the next screen the reeeeally fine print it says current annual interest rate is 21.74%

Busted.

11. Filter lanes

It’s not so much the lanes themselves that annoy me, in fact I think they’re brilliant! It’s people who treat them as somewhere to casually coast into the intersection/driveway the lane is servicing. It causes a bit of a build up behind this idiot because you can’t go around them. The whole point of a filter lane is to filter the people who want to turn, out of the free stream traffic.

You’ve probably never noticed, bet you will now =D

Whats a filter lane? The bit with the right arrows, forgive me for putting a bit too much energy into the top half of the drawing =(

10. Car “accidents”

Wahoo double digits! Knew it wouldn’t take long =) OK, I don’t believe in accidents. At somewhere along the chain, a weak link snapped, ie. Someone fucked up.

I was on the freeway today for about 40 minutes when it should have been 12-15 tops because some idiot didn’t adjust to the road conditions or wasn’t paying attention and went up another punters arse. If EVERYone was doing what they should’ve been doing behind the wheel, there would be no car “accidents” and no delays on the freeway. Thank you.

9. Politicians

Pure filth and lying scum of the earth that don’t EARN the kings ransom they’re paid. Say one thing, do another. Make promises, break promises. To think they get a healthy pension when they leave office too! Wowzers!

8. People who speak foreign words with the accent while speaking in their native tongue.

The woman on Foxtel, speaks English..American English anyway, but has some Italian in her, so she’s speaking normally but every now and then will throw in an Italian word and says it like an italian would. It’s crazy!

Words like prosciutto, parmesan, oregano spring to mind. Theres more. Lots more.

7. People who park in 2 spots so their car doesn’t get damaged.

You do realize that by doing this actually makes your car MORE susceptible to damage, because people like me want to teach you a lesson. Park at the end of the car park where no cars are, dickhead.

6. Two And A Half Men

This show is utter crap. If you watch this because you think it’s a cleverly written funny show, maybe you should broaden your sitcom horizons. Try Arrested Development.

5. Empty power points switched on.

How hard is it to switch off a power point that has nothing plugged into it? Didn’t think so.

4. People that don’t close their mouth when they eat.

– They sound like sloppy walruses.. Walrusi? Didn’t your parents ever teach you table manners? Are they still not teaching you them?

3. Apples.

– I don’t like how they crunch and people eating them don’t try dull it down at all. I find it just a bit rude I’m afraid.

..which leads me on to;

2. Upside down/back to front numbers on petrol station price boards.

– You can just tell when a 3 or an 8 is upside down.. Come to think of it I haven’t seen a back to front number.. But if I did I reckon it would look ridiculous.

1. Incorrect spelling.

– I will do my best to not piss myself off while I write this blog, but most of it will be written on an iPhone so I make no guarantees. You understand right?

This link summarises PERFECTLY, what I mean and I encourage you to click it. Here.

This World is Loco..

As a coco…nut.. Oh yes, what’s happening to the people of this planet? Everyone’s going absolutely mental. I’ll be honest and put it down to religion. I am not religious. Doesn’t mean I don’t have my gripes. Just read my other post about gear grinding. Difference with me is that I don’t riot in the streets and shoot people for putting the petrol prices on backwards.

Hmm, petrol.. Another reason this world is going crazy, oil fucking oil. America, the king of the world, just go in there, blow their heads off for piss farting around, take over the oil wells and that’ll be the end of it. Oh no, theres too much in it for you isn’t there. I understand, don’t worry though, I’ll keep forking out copious amounts of coin.

Take the recent riots in Canada for example. Yes thaaaat one, below.

Why did everyone get so fired up? Because their hockey team lost. Unbelievable. THEIR HOCKEY TEAM LOST. To a visiting team mind you, so they go and trash their own city? What the fuck? Get a grip you meatheads. I thought it was only soccer fuckwits that act like this, guess not.

I’ll wrap this post up before I get too angry by speaking of my own country. Beautiful Australia, nothing ever goes wrong here…

Update! It’s the 8th of July.. Our state government has planned to build a bigger and better stadium for football. I fail to see how this is a priority for WA. Do we really need another stadium. We already have 2 that are more than capable to host games.

They want to spend so many millions, which you know will blow out to so many more. Wouldn’t this money be better off being put back into the real people of Perth? Subsidize petrol or something? Help out with other rising utilities costs?

This story was on the back of one about how Perth is more expensive than New York or Paris. Haven’t been to New York, but I can vouch for Paris that it is pretty pricey there. Never paid 8 euros for a coke in a restaurant in Perth! Yep, 8 (eight) euros!

So if it’s so expensive here, how about helping out a little bit with all that money we give to you eh?